Sunday, January 03, 2010

Just So You All Know

I was supposed to be the rock that you could stand on
Stronger than an old oak tree
But all you ever wanted was the one thing
I never let you see -
The tender side of me
I tried to be a mountain, solid and strong
All it took was your leaving to know I was wrong

A man ain't made of stone
A man ain't made of steel
The way I feel right now
I thought I'd never feel
Sometimes all it takes
Is facing the night alone
And that's when you know
A man ain't made of stone

In this world of mine
There was no room for weakness
I covered every crack in the wall
But there ain't no way that I can keep this secret
Cos when you go like Jerico I fall
You thought I wouldn't shatter
Would I even care?
But there's more to what I'm made of
Than this broken heart can bare

A man ain't made of stone
A man ain't made of steel
The way I feel right now
I thought I'd never feel
Sometimes all it takes
Is facing the night alone
And that's when you know
A man ain't made of stone

Sometimes all it takes
Is facing the night alone
And that's when you know
A man ain't made of stone

That's when you know
A man ain't made of stone

"Randy Travis"

The beauty about songs is that there's a song out there that one can identify given a moment in time. I have always liked this Randy Travis song but today it takes on a whole new meaning, I think it pretty much sums things up on my current state of mind.

I will be the first to admit that I am not made of stone, actually everyone that knows me will attest that in fact I am a softie but the reason I am writing this is because I see the concern all of you have for me and I want to make it clear that although I may be a softie I am not brittle and I will not crumble into a million pieces.

Mi chica continues to be my strength and will probably show me the way as I face the future. A huge amount of her will always be with me wherever I go and I doubt very much she will ever be phased out of my life, just looking at both Michelle and Nichole is like looking at her.

There are too many challenges to overcome, there are too many things in my immediate future that I need to take care of, there's plenty to keep me busy. Heck, even learning how to use a phone is a top priority now, after all she was my lifeline and the one constant connection to the outside world. Yep, I'll be busy, I'll be pretty occupied so I ask you not to worry or fear for me. I truly am at peace because I know she is at peace, I am OK because I know she is OK.

Now, all the constant company my son, my daughters, my in laws, my family, and even the "virtual" company from all of you my blogger friends is something that I can very easily get used to, so I warn you not to spoil me or you will create a monster. This is your one and only fair warning. Should you chose to spoil me then live with the consequences.

The other day my nephew-in-law a.k.a. Franklin asked me if I was overwhelmed with all the people around me, the house was full, there were people in the front yard, in the house, and in the backyard, yes I really had a full house. At first I had to think about it but I decided right away that given the alternative, I didn't mind at all to be surrounded by so many people. When I saw how full the church was for her service, when I saw how full the house was with all her family and friends it made me realize the big impact she had on peoples lives and it was a loud and clear to me that her love was unconditional, that her friendship was worth more than gold, that her guidance was always unselfish, that in a nut shell her life made sense.

Yes, I am sad, yes I'll probably be lonely, yes I miss her like crazy, yes the house feels empty, but I also want to make it real clear that although I am not made out of stone, and I do tend to be a softy I too will be OK because I truly know that now she is OK sitting up there with God and probably now sharing her expertise with the angels.

*DISCLAIMER -- You've been warned, now let me assure you that I don't mind one bit being spoiled, so should you choose to do so I will gladly accept it.



Nikki said...

>=\ you made me cry. I'm not even sure why.

If you lived a liittttlleeee closer to me, dad, I'd so be your shadow EVERYDAY, so be glad I live a little farther. You'd be SICK to death of me!! If we ever go two, three, four or even a week without seeing you, JUST CALL US and we'll be right over with a big ol raspberry iced tea in hand :)

Love you daddy!

Manuel's Nani said...

I am so sorry for your loss Jose. I am certain your Chica knew very well how much you loved her and took great comfort in that love. My own husband and I have been married 40 years. I know what it takes to make a marriage last. Yours was a good one. cyber hugs, g

Chely said...

Que bueno que compartes esto. Tienes mucha razón, algunos de nosotros si estábamos un poco preocupados. Pero es que como siempre has sido muy tierno, (como mi papi) nos haces sentir que te puedes desmoronar. Pero ya veo que en esto, te pareces a mi mama=)

Qué bueno Fide, ahora me siento mejor. Si tu estas bien, yo estoy bien<3

Tu little sister – Chely

Wanda said...

Jose, I never realized what a wonderful gift you have with the written word. I think you have the most wonderful attitude about your life now, and yes, you Chica is dancing with her Heavenly Father, just like she danced with you, and probably teaching Him a few new steps.
Love the song you posted, and what a great song to share you feelings.
I guess you know, I want to be with the group that spoil you!!!

So would you like me to send you a box of my Chocolate Cookies???

Love and Hugs forever ~~ you special you, and your special kids.

BTW I started the new year by opening up a new Art Blog....A good way for me to start the new year.

Nikki said...


Michelle said...

I know you'll be okay. Just like I know I will too.

ChrisJ said...

Wanda's right about the writing, Jose. I'm glad you have such good support around you. I know your family will always be there for you. I'm just glad to know that everything's O.K.

Anonymous said...

You were very lucky to have Sylvia; I'm imaging though that one of the first things your Chica told God.. was Thank you for Jose.

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