Friday, January 15, 2010

To My Kids

It seems to me my kids are struggling to not having their mom around anymore. This breaks my heart but I know they will come out of it too. Mi chica and I had such beautiful relationship that for me it's easy to draw from there and use it as my strength. It's obvious I miss her physical presence but after 31 years of being together she pretty much lives and will continue to live in my heart and my soul.

Memories, mostly good pop in my head and make me smile. I was watching the slide show I posted here not too long ago and I caught myself smiling while looking at her, and I know in my heart of hearts that she will be OK as long as we are OK.

To all my kids: If you are reading this just ask yourself, did she hate what I am doing right now? If the answer is yes, I hope you have a way and the strength to correct what ever it is. One thing she would totally hate is for any of us to do something we very well knew she hated and blame it on her not being here and or because we miss her so much. To honor her memory is to honor her wishes and to address the concerns she had towards us.


Me: “Oh no that’s my favorite song.” --- “Love disco style”
Cyclone: “Well, go dance it.”
Me: “But I have been dancing all night, there’s a girl go ask her to dance with you.”
Cyclone: “You go ask her,”
Me: “Come on fool don’t be a scary cat you haven’t dance all night.”
Cyclone: “You go ask her, look she’s looking for someone, she wants to dance and she is cute too.”
Me: “You are right, wait for me I’ll be back”

Me: “Would you like to dance.”
Chica: (she wasn’t “mi chica” back then) Yesssss.
Me: “Cool let’s go”.

Well we started dancing back then and we haven’t sopped yet. I wonder if Cyclone is still waiting for me, after all I told him I would be right back. But this “chica” swept me off my feet and took me away. Our life has been a roller coaster but that’s exactly what has made it so exciting, just like no one ride feels the same, well no one day has been the same, sure some are similar but for the most part each day has been unique in it’s own way.

So what was it? Was it the lyrics of the song? Or was it the name of the band that sang the song. “Erotic Drum Band” Hummmmmmm!!! Oh baby you know, (even though I just met you), you know I love you, (I was stretching it a little). But I wanna know (here’s the catch). I wanna know if you love me too (say yessssss). And take me into your paradise… Ok, I don’t know about paradise but where we are is ideal and lovely so I guess it’s close to it. (Ok, it’s kindda chaotic and crazy right now but it’s our paradise never the less). Who would have known back then that this particular song would launch us into many years of dancing, to this day every time I hear this song it takes me back and if I close my eyes it feels as if it was yesterday. Isn’t if funny how time works, if you ask me right now “what will you be doing 25 years from now?” I would probably say that 25 years is so far away, but ask me about 25 years ago and in many cases it’s as if it was yesterday.

Flashback:

Ray (my ex-manager): So you are getting married?
Me: Si (I didn’t speak that much English back then, remember)
Ray: I was married too.
Me: What happened?
Ray: Didn’t work out.
Me: Sorry to hear that.
Ray: Don’t be
Me: OK
Ray: I give you no more than two years.
Me: Shut the hell up, I will last more than two years.
Me again: Now shut up and eat your burrito.
*Ray, wherever you are, here’s an FYI; it’s now 25 years and counting.

I don’t think there is anything out there better than lemonade when it comes to refreshing ones thirst. So why do they associate lemons with things gone badly. Is it the “sour” part of it? I guess that’s why they say that if life gives you lemons (which are sour), make lemonade (which taste great). The outlook on life, the outlook of things sometimes may present itself in a sour state, it is up to us to change things around and turn sourness into sweetness. “Mi chica” sometimes attracts sour comments, which at first hurt so much not because of the abrasiveness of them, but because of the people that say them. The other day as I said good night “mi chica” told me about a comment that came her way totally unexpected and may I add uncalled for. “What is it about me that attract these comments?” Why me? What have I ever done to deserve them? All I do is help. Now I am at a “screw you suckers” mode/attitude. Can’t say I blame you baby, 25 years with you have thought me a lot, 25 years with you have shown me a lot. You and I are so different and don’t even think alike which in my opinion is why we have been so successful in dealing and coping with each other. As a result we have had a great contrast of ideas and ideals that together have melted in an imaginary pot creating the force of two I spoke about before. If I had to explain to you the “whats ” and the “whys” I would probably had to summarize it in one word, the word being POWERHOUSE.

Gee, I wonder why? People don’t usually attack someone when they are down, so when you are a powerhouse I think it’s safe to assume it’s going to happen. To disseminate the word “powerhouse” if you are a source of influence or inspiration (which at point in life you know you are) not everyone will like that, jealousy may kick in and stupid comments may arise. One having great power (which you do) - (yes, even over your Dad) there will be others that may feel the need to compete against you, even though you didn’t even know such competition existed. One having great drive, energy, or ability. (I feel sorry for those that feel the need to compete with you knowing that you will win hands-down).
If you are ever accused of being a “powerhouse”, proudly just say “guilty as charged”.

I felt the need to write something about this for you baby, just my views and opinions. I know it’s tough but to tell you the truth I don’t really think there would be a real answer. I love your strength because I know tomorrow you will view things differently and will do your part to right what’s wrong to the best of your abilities. But sometimes it does feel good to say “screw you all” doesn’t it.

She's a brick----house
Mighty mighty, just lettin' it all hang out
She's a brick----house
The lady's stacked and that's a fact,
ain't holding nothing back.

She's a brick----house
She's the one, the only one,
who's built like an amazon
We're together everybody knows,
and here's how the story goes.

Well I guess the two first verses of the song “She’s a Brick House” by the Commodores sums it up, “Mi chica” is a brick house, mighty, mighty and holding nothing back. She’s the one, my only one, and we’re together everybody knows and the rest of the story? Well we don’t know how it goes because we are still writing it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, and second by second.

If life throws us so many lemons, let’s not waste them and start making lemonade, it really isn’t hard to squeeze them dry. Thank God that life it’s not throwing us onions that for sure would make us cry.


.

4 comments:

Wanda said...

Jose, I continue to get strength for myself in reading your so personal, and insightful thoughts of your darling.

Can I tell you, your loss has cause Don and I to look at each day as a bonus.

When I had my small bout with cancer, I had thoughts of what would my kids think and do without mom....

I pray for your children...They may never know the deepness you have with Sylvia.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing you life. You are OK Jose, your attitude and faith are shinning through.

Love and Hugs
Wanda

Jose said...

Awww thank you Wanda. Believe it or not you have been an inpiration in my life.

Nikki said...

I really like this ♥

Anonymous said...

Nice.

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