Thursday, October 18, 2007

Parent Job Description

It's been a long time since I posted an email, this one is just so true that even if you've already seen it you'll smile again when you read it.

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop


Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an,
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.


The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.


None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you


None required, unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.


Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.


While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.



Chely said...

Hey, that sounds like the job I applied for in October 1985 and actually got for the first time in July 1986!

I must have been good at it (at least, that's what I'd like to tell myself) because my workload was doubled in 1989 and tripled in 1993.

I enjoy the challenges it offers me and the benefits of; hugs and kisses I reap. I love this job. I wouldn't trade it for a thing!

How about you? I heard that you got stuck with such a job as well:)

Michelle said...

Oh just the most tiring job ever! But I gotta agree I loooove it! I wouldn't trade it either.

But you say we can NEVER retire?

Elena said...

Yo también voto que por lo menos se podria retirar uno a una edad que al menos no esté todavía tan jodida. Aunque sea a un retiro de ancianos.

Wanda said...

Yes, I've seen it but worth reading again. Love the Snoopy cartoon!!

MrManuel said...

Sounds like a great job. I have applying for about 3 and a half years now, just no luck...

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