Friday, January 22, 2010

One Day at a Time -- Un Dia a la Vez

I know you are all aware and it may not seem like it but today's marks the first month mi chica is up with the angels. ***sigh*** time sure flies, let's not waste any more of it.

It's getting closer to where I am running out of excerpts from "Life's a Dance" so I hope I didn't bore you with the repetition of some of the things I wrote some five years ago. Everything you've been reading from "Life's a Dance" I applied to my daily life and trust me it payed big dividends. The subtotals yield many laughs and good times, but the grand total was pure happiness.


Why all of a sudden I keep writing about how good I have it? Why do I make it sound so easy? Why not before? What has changed? What’s different? These are all valid questions that I ask myself. I figure you’re wondering too. It’s all about choices and what you want, when we hit bottom we had the choice to call it quits and we had the choice to keep going and make it work. When we decided to keep going we obviously saw that it was worth fighting to make it work and to succeed. So once the choice was made we needed to commit to it otherwise we would just be prolonging the inevitable. Our mindsets were adjusted and our new way of thinking became our way of life. It is really not hard at all; I sometimes wonder why we didn’t do it before. I don’t dwell in the past because it is gone now I just see what’s going on today and see where I want to be tomorrow. I set realistic goals and I have realistic expectations, that way I eliminate painful frustrations. If I make it sound too easy it’s because it is. Before I was too dumb to see it but by changing our ways we created the changes to our new beginning and our job now is to maintain these changes and to keep them fresh. Although I do have dreams and ambitions my life is as simple as living it one day at a time:

Un dia a la vez Dios mio
Es lo que pido de ti
Dame la fuerza para vivir
Un dia a la vez
Ayer ya paso Dios mio
MaƱana quiza no vendra
Ayudame hoy, yo quiero vivir
Un dia a la vez.

“One day at a time, my God, is what I ask of you. Give me the strength to live one day at a time. Yesterday is gone, my God; tomorrow may never come, help me today, as I want to live one day at a time”. Have you though what can make this day special? If you have, who is included in your day? These are the things that can make or brake your day. It is nice to come up with different things everyday otherwise thing become monotonous and mechanical thus taking all the excitement away from the original design. The choice is yours and it rests in your hands.

Every so often I come across nice articles that shed some light into my sometimes-obscure mind and the following is one that I would like to share with you. Sheri & Bob Stritof wrote the following ten reason husbands and wives want from each other and here they are in no particular order:

Top 10 things wives want from their husbands.

1) Telling her daily that she is loved. Everyone needs to be affirmed. Everyone needs to know that they are loved. The best way to say “I love you” are usually in simple, everyday, seemingly unimportant ways like an unexpected hug or holding hands when you walk together.

2) Understanding and forgiveness. There will be days when your wife will make mistakes or when she’ll be difficult to be around. No one is perfect. She both wants and deserves your willingness to understand and forgive her. Remember that no relationship can be sustained without forgiveness.

3) Conversation. Don’t let your conversations with your wife dwindle to nothing but talk about your kids, your jobs, and the weather. If that happens, your marriage relationship could be in real trouble.

4) Willingness to make time for her and your children. Having quality time with your wife and kids isn’t something that just happens. You have to make it happen by not only making the plans but also by following through. Time with those you love have to be a high priority for you.

5) Saying “Yes” more than saying “No”. Habitual negative responses to your wife and kids can push them away from you. Think twice before saying “no” and you’ll be surprised at how saying “yes” can improve your relationships.

6) Listening well. It’s really disheartening for a wife to share her thoughts and feelings with her mate and then realize that he didn’t actually listened to her. Your wife wants and needs you to not only listen with your ears, but to listen with your hear.

7) Affection and kindness. How often do you say “please” or “thank you” or give your wife an unexpected kiss? Unfortunately, some married couples forget that being kind of affectionate to one another are keys to a successful marriage.

8) Sharing household and child rearing responsibilities. One of the main reasons couples fight is conflict over who are doing what around the house. Chores and childcare are not the sole reasonability of your wife. She shouldn’t have to ask you to do your share around the house.

9) A day off now and then. Give your wife a day of several times a month. This means that she will be free from worrying about what is happening with the kids, the house, the pets, and you. She not only deserves this break in her schedule, she needs it to be emotionally and physically healthy/.

10) Commitment to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Many men are notorious for not taking care of themselves when it comes to health issues. This isn’t fair to your wife. She is your lover not your mother. Take responsibility for your own heath concerns.

Top10 things husbands want from their wives.

1) Believe in his capabilities. Many men believe that it’s important for them to protect and provide for those they love. Let him know that you believe in his talents and skills and are supportive of him.

2) Understanding. One of the ways you can both tell and show your husband that you want to understand him is by making a commitment to daily dialog with him. Daily dialog only takes 20 minutes off your day. Isn’t your husband worth 20 minutes each day?

3) Affirmation of his accomplishments. Most guys like to be padded in the back. Compliment your husband often. Just don’t over do it with sicky sweet oozes of how great he is. That type of affirmation will backfire.

4) Acceptance. Many husbands are hurt and angered when their wives try to change them. Realize that the only person you can change is yourself.

5) Less Chatter. If your husband is tired, or involved with a project, and you really need to talk to him about something, get to the point. If he needs the details of the topic, he’ll ask for them.

6) Affection. Hold your husband’s hand in public, leave a message of love on his voice mail, massage his shoulders, give him an unexpected kiss. Men like to be romanced too!

7) Respect. Show respect to your husband by not making negative comments about his thought and opinions, by being considerate of his plans, and by avoiding the “eye roll” when listening to him.

8) Free time. Most everyone needs some quiet time alone, and time to re-energize, regroup, and reconnect. When your husband first gets home from work, allow him some free time to unwind if he thinks he needs it. Don’t over-schedule his days off with projects around the house.

9) Trust. Trust is vital in the success of marriage. If you are having doubts about your husband and find it difficult to trust him, seek counseling and not spying.

10) To be a companion. Hopefully, you can say that your husband is not only your lover, but also your friend. Staying friends and companions through the years requires that you find ways to make time together and to do things together.

I would come up with a better list of the 10 top things men want from their wives, than the one from Sheri and Bob. My list would look something like this:

1) Food
2) Whoopee
3) Food
4) Whoopee
5) Food
6) Whoopee
7) Food
8) Whoopee
9) Food
10) And more whoopee!

As you can see my list is a lot simpler and not so complicated. All kiddin’ aside, I have been applying a lot of these simple things and it has been working pretty good. I just hope that “mi chica” agrees. Once again the nice thing about it is that there’s always room for improvement. The goal is to always improve and not stay stagnant on our ways. Once we found our rhythm it’s up to us to up or down the tempo. After all isn’t life a dance we learn as we go, sometimes she leads and sometimes I follow, never worrying about what we don’t know because life’s a dance we learn as we go.




MrManuel said...

Wow, a month already? That really flew by my friend. I continue to pray for your family.

Nikki said...

You ruined a beautiful post with the thought of you+mom+ whoopee.

Thanks. ;)

Jose said...

LOL Nikki, she got a kick out of it when she read it. Besides, how do you think you were conceived.

Michelle said...

Jr's list would look just like yours I think... that must be a man thing.

But everything on those lists are so true. And I can say Jr does pretty much everything on that list. I sometimes need to work better on mine. I am guilty of the eyeroll. LOL But I think we work well together. He knows when I need help and I usually don't have to ask him twice to do something. But I try and take care of as much as I can alone too... he does after all work way too many hours.

Betty F said...

I could never get bored with your posts. I love your one day at a time lines. It's true. Hope you're doing well.

amy said...

Im sorry I missed this news. YOu ae in my prayers along with the family that you love so much

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